Taniguchi Garden 4-30

As I sit on the roots of this tree writing I can still feel the ground on my feet. I had never done that before – especially in a public place where I do not know what is on the ground. I’ll admit I stepped on some suspicious stuff. The rocks I stepped on hurt my feet many times, but I kept walking. However, my feet do not feel dirty, they feel clean for some reason. This might be because this places gives off a feel of purity – as though nothing here can harm me. Even now, I am not worried about bugs biting me like I usually would be.

While walking bare foot I was able to feel things I usually don’t. Again, I’m not one to walk with my shoes off outside of my house of backyard. Here, I stepped on plants, leaves, water, rocks, and probably some bugs. I also touched more things with my hands than I usually would. I kept telling myself to feel the trees, leaves, and water I passed and I was able to appreciate them more. The beauty in this garden tells us somethings and because I felt everything it was easier to read it. It was as though this garden is telling me to feel everything around me. It was also telling me to calm down and understand more – to be peaceful. In all, I read peace.

I feel different in this garden. I am usually such an anxious person, always checking my phone and thinking about what I have to do. I don’t feel the need to worry or plan here. The garden is telling me to be here in the now, as Ram Dass would want. Its telling me to pay attention to my surroundings and stop thinking about what I should do and only focus on what I am doing. I need to take the parts of myself that want to enjoy the present and the part that wants to plan – I need to hammer my self into unity, but I do not know how.

It makes complete sense that I feel this peace. I believe that this was the creator’s goal. His home had been destroyed by the US. Instead of lashing out at the US, he made a statement of peace by building this garden.

Lastly, I feel extremely spiritual in this garden. I lost my great-grandma a year ago on May 2nd. She loved the outdoors and flowers. I feel close to her here. I used to help her plant almost every weekend when I went to her house and I just remembered I would be barefoot which is weird how this connects. I’m actually a little freaked out right now. Now, I feel even more peace here. Right now, I don’t feel sad. I believe in God and I believe that her spirit is all over the outdoors everywhere I am. This was the perfect time to visit the garden, for me at least. Writing this has helped me heal in a way. The garden’s peace and its ability to heal is what it was made for, and I hope this happened for many more people.

4-30 for 5-2 Woman Warrior 3

1.) “When I went to kindergarten and had to speak English for the first time, I became silent.  A dumbness – a shame – still cracks my voice in two, even when I want to say “hello” casually, or ask directions of a bus driver. I stand frozen, or hold up the line with the complete, grammatical sentences that comes squeaking out at an impossible length” (165).

I cannot imagine moving to another country and having no choice but to learn their native language. I’ve only been fluent in English during my last 19 years. My parents speak both Spanish and English perfectly and I envy them. They are able to communicate with my family in Mexico with no trouble. Meanwhile, I can only understand some of what they say when we FaceTime and need assistance when talking back to them. It makes me feel less accomplished. I mean, I’ve taken Spanish classes since elementary school, but none of it stuck. I somewhat blame my parents for not enforcing the language on my as a child when it would have been easier to learn.

If I’m still not fluent in a second language at this age I can’t fathom being forced to learn it. Sure, it might be easier because you really have no choice but to learn it in order to accomplish daily tasks. I may feel more pressure to learn it if everyone around me spoke it. However, at a later age learning a language is always hard. I’m sure Maxine felt both this pressure to learn but the barrier because it is hard to pick up. English is a tricky language we are words that mean other words, phrases, and contractions that may make no sense to someone hearing it for the first time. It is no wonder that she felt dumb having to speak English. It is a hard language to learn.

There is also the argument that anyone who comes to the US should learn English. I kinda believe this. English is the most prevalent language here. In order to go to college and get a good job you have to know English. However, I do not believe that one should just stop speaking their native language. Culture is important and should be celebrated. But if one wants to be successful in the US they have to learn English – which is what I’m sure Maxine soon found out.

This pressure to learn a new language as soon as possible in order to be successful made her feel dumb. But it shouldn’t have. I wish people could understand how hard English is to learn and help those who are making an effort to learn instead of making fun of them.  Maxine should have never felt this shame.

2.)’I’ is a capitol and ‘you’ is lower-case” (167).

I thought that this sentence was so profound. It really connects to American values. We can’t deny the fact that we are a selfish society. This isn’t why ‘I’ is capitalized in our language, but it’s kinda symbolic, right? Many American are more about themselves than  others. And I’m not going to connect this to police parties because negative things about selfish actions could be said about all. We all have our own agendas and wants. Other people’s wants come after us, thus why ‘you’ isn’t capitalized – because its not as important as ourselves. This doesn’t go for everyone, there are some very lovely people in this world. But when we look at the US as a whole we see a history of selfishness that is still going on today.

 

3.) “The beginning is hers, the ending, mine” (206). 

Here we have another profound statement written by Kingston. What a writer, man.

When I read this quote I automatically thought of my mother. Maybe because mother’s day is coming up and I haven’t gotten her anything?? Or, maybe because this quote was about Maxine mother too. She ties it to the story her mother had told her, she tells us her mother started it and she has an ending to it. However, I think this has a deeper meaning. This novel started with her mother telling her about the past. A past that she experienced. These experiences where hers and hers alone. Maxine took these experiences and made them her own. She learned lessons from them and created her own identity – she made her own ending to these stories. Many of us have traumatic family histories that out parents share we us. We take these and (hopefully) learn from them. My mother had a hard childhood, then she had me – she began my life, literally. The beginning was hers. I get to learn from her experiences and make up my own ending. She’s not always going to be here to give me advice, the ending truly is mine. Just as it was Maxine’s.

 

4-23 for 4-27 Woman Warrior 2

1.)”‘Time is the same from place to place,’ I said unfeelingly. ‘There is only the eternal present, and biology.” (106).

This exchange between Maxine and her mother was incredibly enjoyable to read. It was also very relatable. Maxine’s mother is tired and believes that her time on earth is coming to an end. Maxine does not agree, but says that even if her time is coming to an end she lived a full life. Maxine has come to understand the way the world works from her various life experiences and her education. This particular quote is extremely philosophical, but it does make sense. She focuses on the present, because she understands that that is all we have. We must live in the present within our bodies as they grow older. No matter how much we move or travel we are still getting older, because that is the way we were made. It was nice to be reminded to live my life to the ‘fullest’ while reading this book.

(I googled ‘living life to the fullest and this came up, I agree)

2.)”You shouldn’t worry anymore, though, Mama. You should feel good you had so many babies around you in middle age. Not many mothers have that'” (106).

I love my mom. We do not always see eye to eye, but I still love her. She had me very early in her life and then my two siblings much later. She jokes that she finally fits in with the mother parents at my youngest brothers school, but that she’s sad she’s an “old parent now.” She’s done having kids, but she’s not done raising them. Honestly, I am glad that she will still have kids in the house when I am officially out of it. She will be like Maxine’s mother in this excerpt. She’ll never be bored (especially when my brother is a teenager). However, I do feel somewhat bad. She will have to continue worrying about her children’s welfare as she gets older. But then I think that a parents never stops worrying about their children. I do not want her to worry about me in Austin, but I know she does (especially since I am a girl). This part of the book made me think about my mother as she gets older. When my parents get old I want to care for them as they cared for me. I don’t see it as an eventual burden. My job is to take care of myself right now so that I can care for them later. And, I will be glad that my siblings and I gave them a full life when they were younger. Which is why I try to tell my brother and sister to be kind to them, not that they listen. I know that are young and don’t understand the job of a parents, but they will someday – just like I did.

3.)”‘Thank you,’ the child said. When she complimented them, they agreed with her! Not once did she hear a child deny a compliment. 

‘You’re pretty,’ she said.

‘Thank you, Aunt,’ they answered. How vain. She marveled at their vanity” (134).

This is a hot topic even today. And I don’t really understand why. So what is someone says thank you to your compliment? Would you rather them tell you to shut up? People who say thank you to a compliment are acknowledging the time you took to tell them something positive. This notion that someone who gets a compliment has to deny it is extremely unhealthy and manipulative. You’re not telling someone something positive just for them to tell you that you’re wrong, you’re telling them this to them them up. If you have this ideology just don’t give compliments. The Aunt should be proud that these children are thank her and have manners instead of saying, “Oh, I know.” And even if they said ‘I know’ I don’t think there a problem with it. Having self confidence is a great but rare thing in society. It’s not vain, its healthy. Needless to say this part of the book got me a bit heated.

4.)”If he brought another woman into the house, they were to gang up on her and play tricks on her, hit her, and trip her when she was carrying hot oil until she ran away” (160).

My mother tells me that if she were to ever die (and I really hope that doesn’t happen) and my father got remarried I was to hate the woman. And, I don’t think she’s kidding. When I read this part I laughed because it reminded me of her. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t like the woman even without her direction. This quote made me think about the other side of this. There are some who want their significant others to find someone else after their death or an amicable divorce. I am not sure what kind of spouse I will be, and I probably won’t know for a while. But, this part of the book let me see the connection between my American society and theirs. I had trouble finding connects until I read this sentence. Even so, it does go a bit far with the hitting and tripping. But, the ideals behind the statement do connect.

4-23 for 4-25 Woman Warrior 1

1.)”We stood together in the middle of our house, in the family hall with the pictures and tables of the ancestors around is us, and looked straight ahead” (4).

A lot the the imagery in this book is outstanding. However, there are still times when the author does not paint a picture of the scene. I believe that is may be because the scenes were to traumatic for her to describe – and I completely understand this. This quote came from a part of the book that contained amazing imagery. The excerpt stuck out to me because I could paint this picture in my head so easily. I can see the family standing together surrounded by those who influence them and still keeping their heads high. I believe that this scene parallels family dynamics. Sure, many families have not gone through what they did – but the principle of it still stands. The fact was that this family went through something violent that completely changed them, yet they still stayed together because they knew that their late family would want them to march on. (I mean I’m not saying I condone them ignoring the death of the aunt and pretending like she was never born.) After the trauma this family endured they still stayed together and supported each other (again, not supporting the erasure of the aunt).  Even today many families who experience hate crimes, deaths, and infidelity still stand together. They stay together and ‘look ahead’ to the future instead of the past. Now, these families might not stay together because of their ancestors. They may keep fighting for the family itself, God, or society’s expectations. This family may have not saved their relationship and their name in a way that we should look up to, but the basis is that they stayed strong together.

2.)”The Chinese I know hide their names; sojourners take new names when their lives change and guard their real names with silence” (5)

In the previous paragraph I did not condone the action of erasing the identity of the aunt.   This may be both angry and dejected. This poor woman’s memory is nonexistent because of the toxic pride this family (and I know almost all families at the time in her society would have done the same thing) had. This pride is still prevalent even the US. Families may be ashamed when their young daughters become pregnant, child commits suicide, or if their partner cheats on them. Though some families may still try to hide the tragedies that happen behind closed doors, many are becoming more accepting of their family and the families around them. If a child commits suicide they no longer hide this, they make their pain known and work to find the cause. If a daughter becomes pregnant they work with her to find out what she wants to do and some try to support her decisions. With cheating society does judge those who stay with their significant other but at the same time they accept their decisions on how they want their family to be, whether it be to divorce or to stay together for they children. As I read this book I realized that these families would not stand for most of these ‘mistakes.’ They would erase the other from their life. I wonder how it would be to change your name if you or your family did something you were not proud of. This may be the easy way out, instead of dealing with the issue head on you are ignoring it and pretending like it never happened – I think this is extremely unhealthy.

(They do not overcome their problems)

3.) “Women in China did not choose. Some man had commanded her to lie with him and be his secret evil. I wonder whether he masked himself when he joined the raid on her family” (6).

Now this made me angry. As someone who advocates against sexual assault I cannot even imagine this being the norm. This quote makes it seem like this man raped her, and he very well might have. This is a perfect example of the repercussions that woman face in sexual assault that men, usually, do not. He is free to walk around and not have to change his name because of shame because he knows the woman will never tell. He may have acted out against her family because he can, and it would save his image – even though it was already safe. 4.)”‘When you raise girls , you’re raising children for strangers'” (46). Though this man did not care for Maxine’s aunt, he did treat her like a child. He took advantage of her in more ways than one. It is incredibly sad that these woman are not raised to fend for themselves, they have to teach themselves how to be strong and how to fight against men like the one who got her aunt pregnant. One of the other problems with this society and how they put sex in the hands of men is that 5.)”No one talked sex, ever” (7). Sex is just another subject that is shameful in their society.  This connects to American society as well. In my high school they did not give us a sufficient sex education. It was an abstinence only curriculum. Yes, it was a Catholic school but they still have a duty to educate us in all aspect and not hide information from us. I was lucky to have parents who were comfortable talking about my changing body and sex. But, some kids do not have this. They are left to find out how to be safe and how to care for their body by themselves and the information they receive may not always be right. It took many years for America to be comfortable with sex and talking about it. I am not sure how it is in China today, but I do hope that woman have the ability to choose who they share their body with.

This book has made me reflect on the privilege I have. I am interested to read more.

4-16 for 4-20 Fun Home 2

I know that I glossed over the fact that I’m a huge musical theatre nerd in previous blogs. Having grown up loving theatre and being in theatre I’m pretty knowledgeable in Broadway.  When I heard about ‘Fun Home’ I was intrigued for a number of reasons. First, the stage!! That stage was genius (but no one really cares about a stage expect musical theatre nerd). I never saw the play on Broadway, and have yet to see it off. However, since I am a theatre person, I found another way. I watched it online. The story was great and the songs were even better. However, the book doesn’t give the same feel the musical did. Probably because theres not the song ‘Changing my Major’ in the book.

So, the connection between the musical and the novel may come up in this blog, it might not. I wanted to share.

Anyway

1.)”Its childish, perhaps, to grant them the sustenance of their creative solitude” (133).

Sometimes its hard for kids to understand that their parents have lives of their own. I’m guilty of this. I failed to realized that my parents could have bad days at work or could feel anything less than happy. When I saw them sad or angry I would be mad. They shouldn’t be mad, I would think, they should be happy for me! Just because I’m their child doesn’t mean that they have to be happy for me. They can still care for me when going through their own emotions. To want for them to surprise their emotions was unhealthy and unfair of me. Of course, it is traumatic seeing a parent cry. But kids have to realize that their parents have a right to cry, just like them. There is a fine line between showing emotions to your child and worrying your child. I remember one time my mother came home crying because of something that had happened at work. I was five and scared. Now, I understand because sometimes I come home and all I want to do is cry.

Alison wasn’t talking about this. She had the opposite problem, her parents didn’t really show their emotions. However, they didn’t hide the fact that they had passion that weren’t taking care of their kids. It was childish for her to recent them for taking time to engage in these passion. Just like showing emotions, parents have a right to take time for themselves. But, kids do not see this until they are about my age- when its too late and they feel horrible for having been angry at their parents for not being 100% devoted to them.

2. “creativity took an aspect of compulsion” (134).

Alison’s house was not a house where one could be themselves. They were all suppressed in different ways. But, somehow each one of them turned out to be creative. They all had an artist form of therapy that they turned to. Art is the best way to feel better in my opinion. Its relaxing and satisfying to create something beautiful. However, since they could not express themselves in any other way, all they had was their art form. Therefore, they felt a compulsion to be great and to put the free time they had into this art. This could turn unhealthy and be the opposite of what art is supposed to do for humans.

3. “Its hardly a matter that she could be allowed to arrange for herself” (155).

This particular exchange between Alison and her mother made me mad. Her mother said that a woman cannot choose who she wishes to marry or how she is proposed to, (She was probably talking mostly of the latter, but still!) It baffled me. Marriage is from the woman as much as it come from the man. Its is two way street. Both the woman and man (or women or men) have the right to chose who they want to marry and how they want that marriage to begin and even end. I’m sure the mother saw this when she realized that she wanted a divorce. 4.)“I’m sick of cooking for him, and I’m sick of cleaning this museum” (216). I saw her subtle attitude about woman and marriage completely change within this quote. She no longer believed that the man distanced the marriage, but they she could have a hand in the marriage too – even if it was to end it.

I lost track of time reading, sorry that it is short. I really enjoy autobiographies.

4-16 for 4-18 Fun Home 1

1.)”When I grow up my house is going to be all metal, like a submarine” (14). 

I’ve heard the belief that says ‘we turn into our parents’ so many times. I guess it does make sense. We lived with them for so long that its possible to pick up behaviors, sayings, and ideas from them. They really do influence us. I touched on this in my presentation for Aristotle and Dante part 2. We didn’t get to talk much about it because the time ran out. But we did talk about how our parents influence our lives even in college. Almost every single person in this class wrote about Ari and his want to please his parents and connected it to themselves. I find this notion interesting, even though I, personally, follow the norm. Why do we pick up our parents’ practices? Why do we care what they think so much? There’s probably some scientific explanation that would take too long for me to look up because I’d be so interested. But I’m going to write what I think the explanation is. I think it all boils down to the fact that they raised us. They spoke to us almost everyday in our childhoods living at home. They told us what chores to do (like Allison’s dad). They pretty much told us how to live our lives for 18 years. This carries on and impacts a person – no matter how much we resent it. Say our parents weren’t really up to par. They weren’t emotionally invested or even interested in our lives – we wouldn’t want to be like them. But as the world works, we would probably end up with some of these characteristics because they were our parents. In the first quote Alison says that she does not want to have a house like her father’s. She recents him and declares that she will have a completely different house. This happens a lot with children who don’t see eye to eye with their parents. I’m not sure if Alison grows up to have a fascination with fixing up her house, but she could – because of her father. Hopefully, she works on making sure that she lives the life that she wants. And that she doesn’t repeat the cycle, like the saying says.

2.) “In theory, his arraignment with my mother was more cooperative. In practice it was not” (13).

Family. It should be an easy connection to unpack, but its hard – for everyone. Family dynamics differ within…well…families. The ‘normal’ family dynamic is mom, dad, siblings. Usually, the mom and dad show affection to each other and teach their children how to love another. This wasn’t the case for Alison’s family. While reading the 2D pages I could not see an ounce of love show between her mom and dad. I later found out why. Her father was secretly gay. They simply lived together to put on a show. This breaks my heart. 3.)”Yet, we really were a family, and we really did live in those period rooms” (17). They still had children and created a family, but if I had been Alison I would have thought my entire life was a fraud. 4.)”After I had made the five-hour drive home from college and everyone else had gone to bed, mom and I discussed it” (29). After her father dies, or kills himself, we see Alison begin to really tell the story of her life. Its as if the story of her father was simply the prologue. When I read this quote about her and her mother having a conversation after her father died I realized it was the first time she wrote about her mother and their relationship like this. I too ave noticed that as I have gotten older I have become closer to my mother. She still is undergoing a the normal mother daughter relationship.

5.) “At the very least, this afternoon is a curious watershed between my parents’ young afternoon in the city a decade earlier, and my own a decade later” (105).

My parents got married young, so they have lived a lot of their lives together. When I was born they stayed in the same city they had fallen in love in. So, naturally I heard them tell my siblings and I stories of the dates they had in the city. When I began dating I would go to the same places they did. However, I realized how different it was. When they were young social media was not yet invented. They didn’t have cell phones they could take with them everywhere. All in all, it was probably a better time for relationships. Our parents enjoyed phone-less dinner conversations and didn’t feel the need to post photos on social media to show everyone that they had gone out. I know that this doesn’t connect to the quote directly, but in a way it does. (I also wanted to get out my qualms with social media.)

P4A

Word Choice and Conciseness

Option 3

Sometimes my mother has spur of the moment urges to clean our attic. This cleaning always turns into rummaging through our old things. We then fixate our attention on the boxes of pictures and old home videos every time. I was the only child when printed out pictures and camcorders were prevalent; therefore, every time we see and watch these items my young face is the center of attention. I see myself in the pixelated video depicted on our flat screen. A little girl with light skin and ringlets wearing overalls plays in the backyard of her great-grandparents house knocking on the sliding door asking for her “dolly.” I look at her and wonder what would happen if that little girl met me right now. Would she be proud of me? As I reflect on this question I realize that I am not sure what that overall wearing girl would think of me. I hope that she would be proud of me and in awe of all I have accomplished. At the same time, I think that she would be disappointed in the mistakes I have made and the repercussions I have endured. It is hard to know what the five-year-old I see on the flat screen would think if she saw me today. The part of me that knows she would be disappointed wants to make 19-year-old Briana into her best self. The part wants ethics in my life to be able to model my ethics to create a leadership vision that will better the world. (I don’t like this thesis or ending. Any suggestions are welcome.)

I firmly believe passion comes from experience and values, or ethics. I touched on this in my essay, “Standing Outside the Courtroom,” but I wrote connecting this idea to a career path.[1] I have a passion for a leadership vision in my mind, but it must be fleshed out. This leadership vision stems from my past and my ethics. When reflecting on these experiences, making decision using my ethics, and becoming my best self I will be able to understand this vision more.

I want to help victims of sexual assault, sexual harassment, relationship violence, and stalking feel safe. It is my goal to help these victims know that what they experienced is not their fault and that they can grow up and away from their ordeal. When I see a perfect future, I see women and men who were once victims advocating for others and sharing their stories of healing. I see these people not being ashamed or guilty, but joyous and understanding. My leadership vision creates a campaign that explain how to get help if one is undergoing any harassment or stalking. The ‘It’s On Us’ campaign is solely for college campuses and does not do much to get the word out to younger teenagers.[2] My leadership vision would reach out to high school and middle school students as well. My vision also includes a space where these people can come to reflect, get therapy, and have easy access to lawyers who can give legal advice to them. I envision these ‘once victims’ going out into school and communities telling others what they went through and how it could be prevented. I envision these women and men writing plays, making art, creating music and more to share their story. As Barbara Smith Conrad said, “There is something so much more dynamin and noble if you can turn lemons into lemonade somehow.”[3] My main goal is to let others know that they are not alone and there are ways to get help. I want them to know that they do not need to suffer in silence.

[4]

I am compelled to make this my leadership vison for one main reason: the blatant disregard and exploitation of sexual assault victims. Many victims do not find the strength to tell others as they see what happens to those who reach for help – they never get justice and they are judged. My leadership vision will change and challenge this notion because I am conscience that it exists. “Conscience transforms passion into compassion,” this statement from Stephen R. Covey is true.[5] I have compassion for these victims, because society shows me what they are facing. Compassion is one of the ethics I need to make this vision happen. As my vision shows, my ethics should revolve around compassion, responsibility, understanding, inclusion, and education.

I believe I embody these ethics to an extent, but with the correct training and education I will fully embrace them someday. In P3, I wrote about my ethics and how they connected to my best self.[6] I wrote about my parents and how they taught me responsibility.[7] My parents have always found ways to serve my siblings and I without complaints. They put our lives before theirs’s and have helped us grow into the people we are in a responsible way, always making sure we were loved and cared for. I obtained the drive to help others feel safe and loved from my parents. Even when I felt unsafe outside of the house, I felt protected when my parents were with me. This love and devotion should be felt by everyone, it does not have to be from parents, but from friends and the community my leadership vision forms.

This World Literature class that has educated me on the issues of diversity, how to be more understanding, as well as how to effectively educate and lead others. I had no idea I could learn so much from a World Literature class. I walked into class on the first day thinking I would be forced to read Homer and Shakespeare like work – we did not read any of this. There is a notion that students must read Homer and Shakespeare in order to be successful, but I feel as though I got more than success from this World Literature class. Instead of reading these classic books, we read essays, articles, novels, and watched documentaries that pertain to our world today. These works have opened my mind and will help my classmates and I navigate the society we live in. Through the readings, I have been educated on women who are Bacha Posh, my own Mexican-American culture, African American culture in The Bluest Eye, Asian ideals of compassion, Buddhism with Siddhartha, and many more. I was exposed to the diversity that this world holds. Knowing this diversity will allow me to be able to approach victims in different ways. I will know their culture and will understand how to help them best while keeping them comfortable. Through these reading and the documentary, The Mask You Live In, and the Best and Worsts we share in class I have become more understanding of others. I am now aware that my struggles are not the most important and everyone’s lives are filled with sorry and joy at different times. Lastly, I have become a better leader. The leadership requirement in this class helped me surpass my fear of teaching others. I am better equipped to approach delicate situations and deal with people who do not share the same ideas I have. Leading class allowed me to learn how to educate others on these same delicate subjects. This is something that will be extremely beneficial in my endeavor to educate others on stalking and sexual assault. The World Literature class made me a better student and helped me create my best self with the ethics I acquired during both semesters. Every lesson I learned in Parlin 104 will help me with my leadership vision.

Going to a university was expected from me from an early age, and I knew this. There was no other option for my future. In high school I was ecstatic to see what adventures going to university would bring. The beginning of my freshman year brought the wrong people and a rocky start into my college life. When my second semester started, I knew I needed to better myself in any way I could. My majors have been Plan II and Government since I applied to UT Austin. However, during this second semester I have been toying with the idea of dropping Government. One way I decided to better myself was to gain political experience in the form of an internship. This internship granted me the ability to get to know important officials, but I did not feel the excitement I expected to feel. Because I signed a confidentially agreement I cannot write about the instances that made me reevaluate my interest in government. However, I can express how I am not amused with the rhetoric these officials and staffers use nearly every day. Alan Bean said, “When this dawned on me, I said, ‘I don’t want to be this person I’ve been all along.’”[8] I feel exactly like Alan Bean. I know that I should stop this internship as it is taking time away from working on my leadership vision and the work that I need to focus on to succeed at UT. But, I cannot find the strength to end the internship, I would feel like I am quitting if I did so. I am not my best self because I cannot prioritize between what I am meant to do and what I am forcing myself to do.

Since I am most likely going to drop my second major of government, I am a purely Plan II student until I find another. When I do find this major I want to make sure I enjoy it and it will cater to my leadership vision. During my sophomore year I am going to be focusing on finishing as much of the Plan II curriculum as I can. Though the classes of Biology and Physics will not help me, I must endure them. I will do this by telling myself that to know science is to be an educated being. I must also fulfill the second halves of the Non U.S. and U.S. History credits. I am lined up to take an Introduction to American Studies class that interests me very much, while finding time to take a Latin American History class. I believe that learning history is essential so that we, as humans, can learn from the past. We are able to see what tactics works and what did not. Learning from the past is an important part of my leadership vision. It is key to learn from one’s past and accept it, while helping others avoid the past one faced. This summer I will take Spanish classes at a community college in my hometown. I hope to learn this language better than I know it now while saving time for classes my second major will require. I think it is important to be bilingual in order to have healthy communication. Many people my leadership vision caters to may speak Spanish and I need to be able to speak with them so that they too, can find help. Next, is the Honors Social Science class and the Philosophy class. I will discover more truths of life and the world I live in inside these classrooms and I am excited. I will take these truths and let them be known to those I will help. Lastly, I must take an upper division writing course and a course that will help me write my thesis. I have found that writing is a tool that assists humans in conveying emotions and ideas to others. I feel the need to become a better writer so that my leadership vision will be able to be put on paper and understood by others. Although, I do not have a second major, and should I not acquire one, I know that a pure Plan II degree will be sufficient in helping me piece together my leadership vision.

In order to begin my leadership vision, I must do research and volunteer. I am going to volunteer with Austin SAFE (Stop Abuse for Everyone) next semester. I will use this time to see what could be fixed within this model while enacting on my passion and starting to help others. I will take what I learned from SAFE and implement this into my prototype.  I also want to be more involved with Voices Against Violence (VAV) on campus. This organization does great things for the UT community by hosting speakers like Wendy Davis to talk to the students about how to stop rape. I want to help VAV reach more students and have more students attend their events.  I have already gotten involved with helping others share their stories. I was in a UT production of Amplify, which share the stories of survivors and the pain they endure. I believe that this production was of utmost importance, as it helped these women heal and allowed others to become more aware of the struggles that victims face. As this timeline shows I must become more involved on campus through these next few years, I can learn and implement my ideas as soon as possible.

[9]

Passionately telling another’s story at Amplify.

Towards the end of my college experience I will have to begin to focus on my thesis. I wish for my thesis to deal with sexual assault in America. Right now, I have the idea to interview men and women on their experiences with the justice system and various safe houses in America. Though the main idea of the thesis is not yet decided, I do know this is what I wish to focus on. This thesis will bring in experiments, interviews, and writing. I am not worried that I will not be able to accomplish this part of my timeline – UT Austin is a school with many resources and I know I will be ready to write this thesis.

In The 8^th Habit, Stephen R. Covey wrote, “Conscience often provides the why, vision identifies what you’re trying to accomplish, discipline represent how you’re going to accomplish it, and passion represents the strength of feelings behind why, the what, and the how.”[10] My conscience tells me that the stigma that victims face is not right, therefore I want challenge it. My vision is to help these victim cope in a society that was not made to help them. My discipline are the goals I have for my time at UT and the small timeline I have planned. Lastly, the passion needs no explanation as I believe it is apparent. I see that ethics are missing from Covey’s statement. Therefore, I feel lucky to have been able to obtain ethics from my parents and this World Literature class which will help me enact this leadership vision. My goal to help those who identify as victims is something that I am extremely passionate about. This passion will propel my vision to become reality. The next few years on the UT campus are vital to my growth as my senior thesis is towards the end of my timeline. The education I have and will receive is sure to assist me in embarking on what I believe my calling is. The part of me that believes ethics will help me become my best self is correct.  The part that believes five-year-old Briana would be disappointed in me may be correct as well; but, what does five-year-old Briana know about the world after all? If I did meet this overall wearing girl I would give her a hug, tell her to be brave, and to use the pain she will feel to create something great. She may not be proud then, but she will be proud at 19 – when she finds a leadership vision that encompasses passion and discipline.

Without Quotes: 2547

With Quotes: 2622

[1] Briana Torres, “Standing Outside the Courtroom,” last modified March 9, 2017, Microsoft Word.

[2] Tanya Somanader, “President Obama Launches the “It’s On Us” Campaign to End Sexual Assault on Campus,” The White House, last modified September 19, 2014, accessed April 10, 2017, https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/blog/2014/09/19/president-obama-launches-its-us-campaign-end-sexual-assault-campus.

[3] Alan Bean, “TX Tell UT Stories,” in Texas, Our Texas, comp. Bryan A. Garner (Austin, TX: Eakin Press, 1984), 892, accessed April 10, 2017, https://www.la.utexas.edu/users/bump/TexasLeaders.pdf.

[4] http://www.tanveernaseer.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Helping_Change

[5] Stephen R. Covey, “The 8^th Habit From Effectiveness to Greatness,” in Discovering the Leader in You (New York, NY: Free Press, 2004), 221, accessed April 10, 2017, https://www.la.utexas.edu/users/bump/DiscoverLeader.pdf.

[6] Briana Torres, “Standing Outside the Courtroom,” last modified March 9, 2017, Microsoft Word.

[7] Ibid.

[8] Barbara Smith Conrad, “TX Tell UT Stories,” in Texas, Our Texas, comp. Bryan A. Garner (Austin, TX: Eakin Press, 1984), 893, accessed April 10, 2017, https://www.la.utexas.edu/users/bump/TexasLeaders.pdf.

[9] Eric de Leon, taken April 9, 2017.

[10] Stephen R. Covey, “The 8^th Habit From Effectiveness to Greatness,” in Discovering the Leader in You (New York, NY: Free Press, 2004), 221, accessed April 10, 2017, https://www.la.utexas.edu/users/bump/DiscoverLeader.pdf.

4-12 for 4-13 Bacha Posh 2

1.)”Yet I was not afraid. I rolled the little balls of my prayer beads between my fingers; it calmed me and helped pass the time. I had confidence; Allah was waiting for me, and He knew who I was” (102).

Ukmina’s story is unconventional. However, this doesn’t mean that it’s not worth telling. I think that people all over the world should know of other’s cultures. Knowing and trying to understand someone’s customs can help us be better humans of the world. Here we read how Ukmina’s devotion to her god, Allah, surpasses all understanding. She prays to him when she is afraid and she knows that he is listening to her. She is unwavering in her faith. Allah is part of her culture and her religion. For most of us in the US, and in this class – Allah is not someone we pray to or acknowledge. Instead, we have different people, things, and a God that we put our faith in. I’m not saying the God is the only god we pray to in the US, I’m saying that Christianity is the most prevalent religion in the US – as of now. But even with the Christian faith that the US is famous for, I cannot say that I have met someone who has as much faith in God as Ukmina does in Allah. Her culture taught her to have such strong faith and they value this faith to the highest extent. Here in the US I have noticed that people put more faith in themselves than in a higher power. We value ourselves and our decision in this culture more.

Prayer beads.

2.)”And then, with a big sparkling smile, she concluded: ‘I have children. At home, I make them dinner. Inside those walls, I am a woman. Outside, I am a man.’ I was crying” (136).

The reader could feel Ukmina’s joy when she met and spoke with this woman. I believe that had she never met this woman she would not be the person she is today or have even accomplished all she has. Being a woman, I know how important it is to have role models or people who have done what you wish to do. Most people in leadership positions are men. I can’t quite remember the first time I saw a woman in a leadership position, but I do remember the joy I felt. “I could do that!” Is something that I thought and something that Ukmina thought as well. As people, we think that there are restriction on what we can do in life. When we see others succeeding, we feel better because it means it possible for us too. Ukima began to cry because she was filled with hope.

 

Best and Worst Week 11

This week I have felt community, peace, and victorious as well as panicked, tense, and misunderstood.

Best – I’ve been rehearsing for a production called Amplify for about a month. I’m in rehearsal as I write this! I’ve felt such a strong community with these strong women. I also felt such peace on Saturday. I had a horrible night the night before and I woke up on Saturday needing to go outside. I went to the Blanton and my mind felt a lot more clear. Lastly, I felt victorious when I finally memorized my monologue for the show Amplify.

(A dog I saw in a painting at the Blanton. It made me feel a lot of joy.)

 

and Worst – Friday was the peak of the worst part of my week. I felt tense all day. Anything that someone said would tick me off. Then I felt panicked at my internship because I felt like I was wasting my time when I could be doing all the work I had due this week. I didn’t feel like I could tell anyone how I felt, I felt so misunderstood. All of these feelings hit me on Friday. I looked like my little brother and my sister is all of these negative emotions hitting me at full speed.

4-2 for 4-6 Bacha Posh 1

(I’m so sorry this is short. This week is going to be a bit crazy for me, but I wanted to do a blog on this subject because its so fascinating.)

1.)”These women had fulfilled their wants, their talents; these women had transformed their luck of being born in the right place at the right time into a tool” (5).

Maybe it was just me, but this part of the novel made me feel both attacked and injustice for those who have to think this way. No matter the political climate of America its supposed to be a place where one can fulfill their dreams. If someone has a talent living in American helped them be able to take this talent far. That’s why America is such an attractive place to immigrants. They watch and read success stories about people who started from nothing and then ended up with everything.

Most success stories happen to those who were born in American. If the story includes a woman, she was probably born closer to 1970, than 1930.

When reading this the first time, I felt like Ukmina was attacking American women. As American women we have to freedom to make choices for ourselves, our futures, and out lives. And while we may want to be equal we have to admit that we have it better in the US than we would in many other counties. I have to understand Ukmina, she didn’t grow up like American women did. She doesn’t have the freedoms that we do and cannot understand them, just how I can’t understand how she would be against the freedom of an American woman.

(Melinda!)

Then, after reading the passage again. I understood that Ukmina had not grown up like I had or like my friends had. In order to help with justice around the world we have to accept other people’s perspectives. Which brings in the question: Does America have a right to interfere with other cultures and preach our human rights? Is it ethical? Why should we make American values everyone’s values?

2.)”Little girls like me make up part of landscape: there is no specific name designated for us, no label. We are integrated into the community; even if we have a different life” (16).

Ukmina writes this and I feel for her. She does not feel like she has a place in her community. I feel like any monitory group and those in the LGBTQ+ community can relate to this feeling. We are part of the community, but we have a difference life than others around us. We accept it and move it. Why don’t we do something? Many of us in America have fought to make a name for ourselves but Ukmina doesn’t have to resources or numbers to do so. How can we help people like Ukmina? Could we ever?